Apr. 22nd, 2014 04:22 pm
indeliblesasha: Methos with his eyebrows raised. Text: (plots) (*plots*)
[personal profile] indeliblesasha
There's a thing I want to do and I wonder if I have the ability to follow through.

I know there's all these cute things, take a picture for every year they start school and fill out interviews on the first day of school and such.

And those are cool and I will probably do them. But you know what I wish I had? Videos from my grandmother to her children. To us. I wish I knew my mom when she was 34. And 43. I mean, I knew her then, but as a child. I wish there was a way that thirty years from now I could look back at my 25 year old mother talking into a camera and being just authentically herself.

So I'm going to try to do that for my children. I have the technology, I have the know-how. This is a thing I should put my effort into doing.

Hello, my beautiful children. It is 2014. I am thirty four years old, and you are four and five. The Stanley Cup playoffs are in the [#] round and Captain America: The Winter Soldier is my favorite movie ever.

Hello, my beautiful children. It is 2015. I am thirty five years old and you are five and six. The Cup is in the [#] round and I am still on an Avengers kick.

Hello, my beautiful children.

How amazing would it be to have twenty, thirty, sixty years of your mom talking about who she is and what's going on in your lives?

Do you know what I would give to have a glimpse of my mom when she was my age? And not a memory of her as my mom, but who she was. What movie did she like? What was she reading? What did she think was important enough about me at the time for her to talk about?

And can you even think of the stuff I can talk to them about? Because it will be for when they're adults. I can talk to them like I do my friends. I can talk with my hands and roll my eyes and go on a tangent on the real-world implications of the major plot twist in CATWS.

I can talk about what I'm writing, ramble about anything, confess they have a teacher I hate. Because the point is that they will be fifty. Or sixty.

I can talk to Gus about what it was like living in the aftermath of cancer, so that when he is a grandparent himself he will know that he consumed every waking moment of my life, and that was totally fine by me.

They should be grandparents themselves before they ever have to see these videos.

My condolences on the loss of your mother, everyone will say. They will grieve, they will miss me, and then. Then they will open a box or a lawyer will hand one to them and the message will be: I'm sorry your mom is gone, but she's been preparing for this moment your entire lives, here, have twenty, thirty, sixty years of your mom.

She loved you so much she left part of herself behind for you to keep. If you watch an hour every day you will get two months more with your mom that you never knew existed, you will have sixty years worth of watching your mom grow up.

You can sit there at fifty, sixty years old. When you are eighty you will be able to rewind and laugh your ass off at your mom talking about getting high for the first time when she was thirty five and how totally unimpressed your dad was.

She can tell you about her tattoos when they are fresh, and you can see the woman she was when she had them inked into her skin. She can tell you about what it was like watching you walk into your first day of school.

I just...I can write them letters, lots of people write letters to their kids and I will do that too. But the chance to leave them video of me? To let them watch me grow up? How fucking cool is that?

Date: 2014-04-22 11:40 pm (UTC)
kass: "let love be your engine," image of Kaylee and of Serenity (let love be your engine)
From: [personal profile] kass
OMG, this is the best idea ever.

January 2017


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