Breastfeeding

Aug. 15th, 2011 11:08 am
indeliblesasha: Bright highlighter-pink tulips with yellow tulips in the background surrounded by bright green foliage (Baby - I knew I loved you)
If you have breastfed, are breastfeeding, will breastfeed, or love someone who has/is/will, please read this article:

Dysphoric milk ejection reflex: A case report

This was my hell while I breastfed my sons. I have thought there was something wrong with me for more than two years because I was ashamed to talk about it, and when I did I was assured that we all have our bad days and it would pass.

It never passed.

By the time I got to this quote from a mother who suffered the same thing,
"If you read Harry Potter they talk about the creatures that suck the soul out of you and when they are around it makes you cold and you start to focus on negative things and fall into this abyss of negative thoughts - that is how D-MER was for me at times. I hope the research you are doing helps you come to some conclusions. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do."
I was sobbing so hard my oldest climbed into my chair and wrapped his arms around me repeating he yuvs me over and over, my husband was trying to figure out what was wrong and I couldn't tell him, I could only hand him the computer and make him read.

I remember standing in the shower when Charlie was a week, maybe two, old and bawling and shaking and hating myself and my children and resenting the hell out of everything in the universe as milk ran down my torso because early in breastfeeding you have spontaneous letdown sometimes.

And then it would pass. I would feel normal again, aside from the intense guilt from having had those thoughts to begin with.

If I had only known. If someone had been able to say to me "this happens. It's not *you*, and it can be *helped*" it would have completely changed my life.

January 2017

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