[personal profile] subversivegrrl posting in [community profile] little_details
This is genuinely a little detail.
Context: Character is stranded outside her home base and uses a walkie talkie to make contact and ask for pickup.

How do you describe actually engaging the walkie talkie? "clicked the button" is way lame. "Key" seems to specifically describe hitting the button but not talking, to "send" static (I think?), like to silently say "I'm here". (this could be massively wrong and just the misguided interpretation of the one website where I saw it described that way.)

I feel like there must be an appropriate word/phrase, but I struck out trying to find it myself. Someone elsewhere suggested checking HAM radio sites - I'm about to do that, but thought I'd throw this in here and see if I got the usual super-helpful feedback.

The Arrival by Shaun Tan (2006)

May. 15th, 2026 07:43 pm
pauraque: Belle reads to sheep (belle reading)
[personal profile] pauraque
This wordless graphic novel follows a man who travels to a new land in search of a better life. He doesn't speak the language or recognize the strange foods and fantastical creatures he encounters, and has to rely on kind locals and other immigrants to help him find his way.

huddled masses arrive on a steam ship to a harbor with a giant pair of statues shaking hands

Setting the story in a fantasy world is obviously intended to help the reader understand how confusing and disorienting the immigrant experience can be. But although the language, culture, and animals are alien, the people are all ordinary humans, and the focus is on common humanity transcending our differences. The protagonist encounters people who tell harrowing stories of having survived war and escaped slavery, but the immigrant characters don't seem to experience much discrimination beyond locals sometimes getting frustrated with them for not understanding things, so I think there is an aspirational element. Coming to a new place is always going to be hard, but we don't have to choose to make it harder for people than it already is.

I have a hard time following wordless sequential art, so I'm sure there are aspects of the story I missed or misunderstood, but I think I got most of it. The detailed pencil art is beautiful to look at. You can see some more of the illustrations on Tan's website.

This is one of the books that sat on my shelf unread for years (and I just moved my bookcase so I am now highly conscious of that category). I have no idea why I have it! But now it has been read, so check that one off.

The Friday Five for 15 May 2026

May. 15th, 2026 03:47 pm
anais_pf: (Default)
[personal profile] anais_pf posting in [community profile] thefridayfive
1. How often do you hear live music?

2. What was your favorite live musical performance ever?

3. Do you play an instrument, or sing?

4. Have you ever performed music onstage?

5. Who is your favorite musician?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!

Certain questions linger

May. 15th, 2026 07:14 pm
oursin: One of the standing buddhas at Bamiyan Afghanistan (Bamiyan buddha)
[personal profile] oursin

I was intrigued to see this report: London's Wellcome Collection returns 2,000 manuscripts to the Jain community given that that is a repository I know well although not a part of the collections with which I was particularly acquainted.

I was also a bit taken aback to see that there is a Centre of Jain Studies at the University of Birmingham, though on a spot of further looking around I find that there is also a Jain Ashram in Birmingham. (Not of as great antiquity as the Shah Jahan Mosque in Woking, f. 1889, and featuring in HG Wells' The War of the Worlds.)

It is a religious tradition particularly associated with non-violence.

While one might think that this collection of South Asian origin might return there: article points out that there are hardly any Jains left in Pakistan, where a significant tranche of the mss came from. I also wonder - it is not mentioned in the article - what is the position of Jainism at present in India. Some sources I have looked at suggest it is relatively assimilated to Hinduism? The article refers to them as a 'fragmented community'.

The Wikipedia article does suggest that they have a long tradition of being involved in commerce, banking and trade, and founding an array of philanthropic enterprises, including libraries....

[personal profile] the_shoshanna
More about yesterday, and also about todayI (we) didn't blow off dinner last night, in the end; we went back to that Spanish-Asian fusion place and I had scallops and also some of Geoff's duck gyoza and crispy beef tataki roll, which latter was so good (and food had woken me up enough) that we split a second one. Also a pint of Liberation ale, and I also had some of his dessert. We do like sharing food. (Though I eat several things he doesn't care for, and there's almost nothing he eats that I won't, so I generally get the better of the deal! He did taste a bit of a scallop since he'd never had one before, though he usually detests shellfish, and while he didn't detest it he didn't much like it, either. So they were mine all mine.)

We were eating outside -- well, the restaurant had basically enclosed their entire dining patio in transparent plastic sheeting for warmth and against the possible rain, so it wasn't really "outside" any more, but it was certainly better ventilated than inside, and the only people eating out there were a couple who finished and left soon after we arrived, and a woman who sat down a few tables away and had a couple glasses of wine which going through her various bags. The restaurant had draped cushy blankets over the backs of most of the outside seating, for the use of customers who might be chilly, and also had a couple of outdoor heaters going: very civilized! Plus the seating on the side the woman was on was more like couches and coffee tables than chairs and dining tables; it was clearly meant for socializing more than meals. Anyway, by the time we were finishing dinner and she was finishing her second big glass of wine, our eyes met and we started chatting. She was from Ireland but had lived on Jersey for like forty years; she basically told us her whole life story, but I've forgotten almost all of it (look, I was really tired) except for her saying to me, "I lost my virginity here, darling." Oooookay, enough wine for you, maybe? She was yet another person who, on hearing that we're going to Guernsey for ten days, boggled at the idea. She said that Jersey is, like, ten years behind the UK, and Guernsey is fifteen years behind Jersey, but she didn't specify what scale she was measuring on, and I didn't want to ask... Look, Guernsey has decent bus service and wifi in our hotel, it's modern enough for us. (Also, during dinner I did a bit of phone research and turned up this page https://www.visitguernsey.com/articles/2023/local-beverages-tours-and-tastings-in-guernsey/ which looks like it can keep us entertained for a while 😀)

Then we came home and I slept really well, although I had climate-catastrophe dreams. Kind of like living in a disaster movie.

Today we did our last serious hike on Jersey, from Rozel at pretty much the northeast corner to Mount Orguiel castle and the town of Gorey below it, about halfway down the east coast. It took us maybe three hours? More of the same, basically: footpaths through woodland and small roads through residential areas and great views across the rocky and/or sandy tidal flats across the ocean to France on the horizon; one road was scarcely a car-width wide but was officially two-way and had a couple of tiny pullouts marked "passing place", but if you encountered an oncoming car anywhere else, one of you would be backing up a looooong way! I'm also interested by how it's completely unremarkable to park facing oncoming traffic (on what we in the US and Canada would call the wrong side of the road), and the way that parked cars can legally just take up the traffic lane, so that the two-way road functionally narrows to one lane and cars have to take turns going through. I think a lot of Jersey traffic patterns are only workable because there isn't much traffic in the first place.

We walked past the same enormous breakwater we had gone to with [personal profile] trepkos, but we didn't go out on it this time. The wind and water were much calmer than they'd been on our previous visit, and Geoff got an ice cream and we sat and watched the bay for a bit. Further down the coast we enjoyed a rocky promontory called Jeffrey's Leap (or Geoffrey's; different authorities give different spellings) where a malefactor named Jeffrey or Geoffrey or Geffray or Geffroy was supposedly condemned to death and thrown off the rocks; the story is that he landed in the water, survived, boasted that he could do it again, jumped, hit the rocks that time, and died. Geoff took a picture of the site marker but did not replicate his namesake's foolhardiness.


And that only gets me halfway through today, but it's six-thirty and we have to go to dinner because we have to get up at crack of dawn tomorrow for the ferry. So I will continue this later...

The Last Contract of Isako by Fonda Lee

May. 15th, 2026 08:59 am
james_davis_nicoll: (Default)
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll


All that stands between Isako and the satisfactory end of her career is one last job. How hard could it possibly be to accomplish one final task?

The Last Contract of Isako by Fonda Lee

(no subject)

May. 15th, 2026 09:48 am
oursin: Brush the Wandering Hedgehog by the fire (Default)
[personal profile] oursin
Happy birthday, [personal profile] auroramama and [personal profile] mummimamma!

New Worlds: The Language of Flowers

May. 15th, 2026 08:06 am
swan_tower: (Default)
[personal profile] swan_tower
Up front, I should say that "the language of flowers" is mostly bogus.

That's not to say there is no symbolism in flowers and other kinds of plants! There absolutely is; in fact, there must be, so long as human culture has a tendency to trot out particular species or colors in particular contexts, and nature has a tendency to make some things bloom or sprout or leaf out at certain times of year. We will build up associations, because that's how our brains work.

Some of those associations will be based on color (whose symbolism was previously covered in Year Nine). Red is commonly linked with passion; therefore the floral-industrial complex has poured untold amounts of money into convincing us that only red roses are acceptable for romantic occasions like Valentine's Day. But come wedding day, you'll often see more white, because of the connection to innocence and virginity.

Other, less visible qualities can give also rise to certain associations. Notably, it's extremely common for hallucinogens to evoke witchcraft and spirits -- an easy linkage to understand! After all, hallucinogens are a great way to make you feel like you're flying or otherwise experiencing magic. And, naturally, quite a few poisonous plants have dark connotations, thanks to their peril and the opportunity they afford for murder.

Or perhaps it's the environment of the flowers. Orchids, which grow naturally in remote forests where people rarely go, are a Chinese emblem of the virtuous man, who ought to cultivate his finer qualities regardless of the approbation of others. Somewhat similarly, the lotus, rising out of muddy water to reveal its clean beauty, represents purity, enlightenment, and escape from the cycle of death and rebirth.

Behavior can play its part, too! Japanese camellias are linked with a variety of qualities like elegance and strength, but you're not supposed to give them to a sick person, e.g. when bringing a bouquet to the hospital. Why? Because that species of camellia drops its entire flower at once, in a single piece, as if it's been decapitated. Not a good omen. (In fact, some cultures feel it's deeply inappropriate to give a bouquet of any kind to someone in the hospital, lest the wilting of the cut flowers symbolically imply the patient will continue to sicken and eventually die.)

Often, however, the symbolism is just . . . there? I'm not sure anybody has a good answer for why, in European culture, lilies are associated with funerals, other than "it's been true for a very long time." And even if we do have a potential answer -- e.g. I've heard it said the soul is returning to a state of innocence, one of the qualities implied by lilies -- that may be a retroactive explanation, rather than one backed up by historical evidence.

But you may have noticed me using phrases like "one of the qualities" or "a variety of qualities." Symbolism is rarely a pure, one-to-one equation . . . and that brings us back to the language of flowers, and why it was probably never quite the thing the internet likes to claim.

The language of flowers is supposedly a form of cryptography, used to send coded messages through bouquets, boutonnières, and so on. If you try to research this, you will find elaborate claims for how it all worked -- but those claims rarely cite primary sources, and they rarely hold water.

Starting with the fact that they frequently contradict each other. Do white carnations represent first love, or disdain? Do purple lilacs signify first love, or death? Any system of communication needs enough consistency for the sender and receiver to have reasonable certainty they're working with the same message. I've seen websites claim this is why it was very important to be sure your recipient had the same dictionary of floriography as you do . . . but if that were true, we'd have a much more significant historical corpus of such dictionaries than we do. And were people really running around asking "Do you have Horton's Glossary of Flowers? No, Murrow's Floral Lexicon -- drat, I don't have that; I'll have to go to the bookseller before I send you your bouquet tomorrow -- just be sure not to use An A to Z of Floriography; I don't want you thinking I'm telling you to die --" It seems unlikely.

Also, as systems of cryptography go, flowers are wildly insecure. Their message is right there, out in the open! If lovers were secretly communicating through bouquets, you can bet that Victorian mothers would have acquired dictionaries posthaste to vet anything their daughters received. Meanwhile, if a gentleman showed up to an event wearing an ambrosia boutonnière to signify that he returns a lady's love, how many ladies there would think that message was meant for them? A bouquet sent as a gift can be targeted to the recipient, but any other display risks being broadcast to too many people. (This is also a major flaw in the supposed language of fans, though at least in that case, the signal is transient and could perhaps be "aimed" via eye contact. In reality, however, the language of fans was a nineteenth-century marketing gambit by fan manufacturers.)

Going back to that ambrosia boutonnière: just where did our gentleman get it? Kate Greenaway's The Language of Flowers -- an 1884 book that seems to be the main primary source of much writing on this topic -- lists hundreds of flowers. Even with hothouses, I'm dubious that anybody would be able to get hold of, say, red balsam on demand, just so they could signal "touch me not." On the receiving end, it assumes a high degree of botanical knowledge: could you tell the difference between marsh mallow, Syrian mallow, and Venetian mallow? Or recognize mesembryanthemum and myrobalan on sight? I know I couldn't.

As usual, though, what's realistic in history need not restrict what can fly in fiction. Thomas West's City of Iron and Ivy takes this idea and runs for the end zone, with flowers grown by magic and carrying equally supernatural effects. That gets around the hothouse problem, and where flowers can do more than just communicate, it would absolutely be worth people's time to learn the differences between various blooms. So despite the cynical objections above, I would love to see more of this in spec fic! I just appreciate it more when there's attention paid to the practicalities, rather than swallowing hook, line, and sinker the accreted pile of internet claims about how all this supposedly worked in the past.

And, of course, nothing stops you from leaning into plant symbolism more broadly, letting go of the idea that it might be for coded communication. In fact, this is a good idea, because as I said at the start, all cultures have associations for many of the plants around them. Leaning into that, even with just a few words about how a yew tree in someone's garden gives it a dark, funerary vibe, adds a tinge of realism and depth.

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(originally posted at Swan Tower: https://is.gd/Gw6tIH)

Me-and-media update

May. 15th, 2026 06:20 pm
china_shop: An orange cartoon dog waving, with a blue-green abstract background. (Bingo!)
[personal profile] china_shop
Pandemic life
Some reckless indoor eating with my parents (when the more outdoorish area was unexpectedly booked for an event), and Andrew is working on site for the first time in six years. What could go wrong? *knocks on wood*

Previous poll review
In the Sailing the seas poll, 67.6% of respondents said they prefer ship fic to untangle a thicket of character issues before smooshing, and 67.6% also said, "and/or during". In ticky-boxes, bumble bees with trombones came third, baking came second, and hugs came first. Thank you for your votes! ♥

Reading
I've just finished the latest Murderbot. It was enjoyable enough. (Except for the first four novellas, which I loved unreservedly, I tend to click with them more on the re-read when I have a better idea what the action scenes and security logistics are in aid of.)

Andrew and I started Cetaganda by Bujold over the dishes last night.

A little bit of fanfic, which convinced me I should be reading more in ebook (audio leads to multitasking). Maybe it's time to pick up the next Peter Wimsey.

Kdramas/Cdramas
I'm losing steam on The Red Sleeve. I feel like I still don't have a clear idea of the plot, and all the backstabbing politics makes me want to back away. I think these palace intrigue only works for me when the main characters have solid friendships to rely on (ie, undyingly loyal guards, etc). Otherwise it's like living on quicksand.

Absolute Value of Romance -- disaster probably averted! I am still loving this enormously, and I still believe my preferred outcome is possible.

The Spirealm (Cdrama) -- a few episodes in, neither of the main characters has really grabbed me, and there's a lot of horror plot, which isn't what I watch Asian dramas for. Idk.

Love Scout -- resumed with Pru last night, yayay! This romance drama shines. It's serious and playful, dorky and grown-up. The two leads make an amazing team and really seem to respect and like each other, and the chemistry is so good.

Other TV
We finished Deadloch season 2, which was confusing but really fun. Hopefully there'll be more! Still going on People of Earth.

Raced through The Lincoln Lawyer season 4, which was great. I enjoyed it a lot more than the previous season, I don't know why. Everyone seemed on top form, and it was really nice having Maggie (Neve Campbell) take on a bigger role.

Finished Rooster last night. That was a fun show. I went back and forth on whether it was coming from a liberal-self-parody or conservatives-poking-fun-at-liberals stance. But it mostly worked regardless. Steve Carrell is very watchable.

My sister came over for Fringe on Wednesday, but I'd misplaced the DVD, so we watched the first two episodes of White Collar instead (the pilot is such good TV!!), along with our usual Bluey. With White Collar, I kept going, "I used that clip in a vid, oh, and that one was in a different vid," which made it hard to sink into the story. A good illustration of how I can "wear out" canon. /o\

Andrew and I watched The Odd Couple on DVD -- a great character piece, very stage play, lots of fun.

Audio entertainment
Writing Excuses, Cross Party Lines, Dreaming Against the Machine (with Adam Becker), some Letters from an American.

Online life
The 520 Day Guardian Reverse Exchange is in the run-up to reveals, so lots of modding. I'm loving [community profile] 3weeks4dreamwidth this year (does it have to end?), and I have a couple of memes to catch up on.

Writing/making things
My 520 Day gift is polished and done (though today I thought of one line I might need to tweak). Next up, I'm planning to return to my Yuletide fic and actually finish it this time, but I'll wait till the intense modding period has passed. In the meantime, what are the chances of banging out a flashfic for [community profile] fan_flashworks? I'd say about 50-50.

Life/health/mental state things
[Frothing at the mouth about NZ politics redacted.] I went to the School Strike 4 Climate protest today. I didn't know anyone else there, so I asked a couple of friendly older-looking people if I could walk with them, and we chatted as we went and did our best to avoid being blasted by the megaphones.

This sign reminded me of [personal profile] mific and [personal profile] princessofgeeks, so I had to take a photo:



ION, my shoulder/neck area is still pretty sore. Why are bodies?

House
The work in the kitchen is finished! Which means I should reconstruct everything -- put all the knickknacks back and so on. Yeah... (I really need to organise all my various recycling things. Atm, I get a drift of clean deconstructed tetrapacks in one corner, and soft plastic recycling spilling over in another.)

Language Learning
Today is day 18 of Chinese on Duolingo and Hello Chinese. I got a free week of premium on Duolingo, so I've been focusing on that and just revising the free stuff on Hello Chinese (numbers 1 to 10, and the 10 most common words/characters), but I'm thinking of getting some paid time on Hello Chinese after that. I should figure out how to type characters on my desktop. And I keep meaning to make some character charts to hang on the bathroom wall for toothbrush-time study.

I just added 中文 to my computer so now I can type!


这是我的猫。我的猫不说中文。我的猫喜欢我。我也喜欢我的猫。你喜欢猫吗?Look, I just made 五 sentences! ;-)

Good things
Protests and community. Introverted friends and TV dates. Biking and biking weather. New Zealand butter. Weekends. Kdramas. Fandom. 520 Day. Zhao Yunlaaaaan. Andrew and Halle. Steamed BBQ pork buns.

Poll #34593 Circus
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 33


Your ideal circus job

View Answers

acrobat
4 (12.1%)

knife-thrower
7 (21.2%)

lion tamer
5 (15.2%)

trapeze artist
2 (6.1%)

ringmaster
3 (9.1%)

clown
1 (3.0%)

other
8 (24.2%)

ticky-box full of minotaurs and string
12 (36.4%)

ticky-box full of eight hours' sleep, applied intravenously
25 (75.8%)

ticky-box full of eight-legged horses
8 (24.2%)

ticky-box full of artistic tigers reciting poetry
18 (54.5%)

ticky-box full of hugs
27 (81.8%)

shrieking

May. 14th, 2026 08:52 pm
kareila: a view of the moon from Earth orbit (moonrise)
[personal profile] kareila
I went to my local library's semiannual book sale today and found a discarded hardcover of "Moon Shot" authored by Barbree et al in excellent condition.

It wasn’t until after I got home that I realized it was an autographed first edition signed by ALAN SHEPARD. Those appear to be selling on eBay for upwards of $65, although I’m sure that the library markings make it less desirable. Still, a bargain for a dollar.

This was clearly a circulating copy. I’m flabbergasted.

2622 / Miscellany

May. 14th, 2026 08:03 pm
siria: (go - crowley)
[personal profile] siria
  • The spring here has been the most miserable, wet, dreary one I can remember experiencing in a while—which is saying something coming from someone from Ireland. God, I just looked out the window and it's raining again. I needed gloves while cycling home today, and it's the middle of May.

  • I had the lovely/aging experience of hearing from a student whom I taught in my first few years here, who is going to defend his own doctorate in history next month and will be starting a tenure-track job (something now as rare as hen's teeth) next academic year. I'm delighted for him, because he's super smart and had a very rough start in life, but oof, I feel old! Time passes.

  • I'm still digesting the news that PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is now PMOS (polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome). Cut for discussion of my own experiences )

  • I watched the "third season" of Good Omens via means that gave no revenue to That Individual. General spoilers behind the cut )

some good things

May. 14th, 2026 11:47 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
  1. successfully bought a leek. spent several whole minutes with reduced bad brain. (local combo of prodrome and therapy hangover, I think, not anything persistent or concerning.)
  2. the delay arising from the combination of Difficulty Leaving The House and Emotional Support Leek worked out just fine; we still made it to the wiggles household only a little behind human #1 and very slightly ahead of humans #2 and 3, and still in time for A to sequester themself for Union Meeting. hurrah for things working out.
  3. it has rained on the plants (hurray!) and mostly not on me (also hurray!).
  4. sweet potato slips have perked right back up after being put in a glass of water this morning (having failed to manage to get them in same last night).
  5. orchid continues flowering exuberantly. only three of them but my goodness they are staying.
  6. some fantastic rainbows on way to wiggles; ditto clouds-fraying-into-rain.

social butterfly spreads its wings

May. 14th, 2026 10:22 pm
wychwood: Fraser and RayK in the dark (due South - Fraser and RayK partners dar)
[personal profile] wychwood
I have been doing lots of socialising lately! I went to the opera on Thursday, as described previously. On Friday I had the David Attenborough Centenary Dinner, which went really well - we had about fifteen people, everyone had brought their required cool animal fact (we went round the table and everyone shared! the facts were indeed very cool!), and we had a very cheerful couple of hours. There were a couple of subgroups of people who knew each other, but even the odd ones out seemed to be enjoying themselves with conversation. Also, several of the people who couldn't make it shared animal facts in the WhatsApp chat, so I had a steady trickle of animal facts all day, which was extremely delightful. I'm thinking of doing one of these again, but next time I'll pick a space anniversary of some sort, and make everyone bring space facts instead.

Then on Saturday I went out for brunch with S, who happened to be here with her husband that weekend (although not early enough to come to dinner!), having brought her baby to visit the SeaLife Centre. Sunday I didn't have any in-person socialising as such, but I sang Matins for other S (final result: 7 congregation vs 5 choir... they had the parish AGM after the later service, so it was substantially quieter than usual) and then had three video calls ([personal profile] toft, family crossword, B5 with Miss H). Work on Monday was comparatively restful.
[personal profile] cupcake_goth
(FOB lyric, but this post isn't about them.)

tl;dr: my psyche is a wonderland of land mines, thank goodness I had a cathartic concert to go to after therapy.

Tuesday night was the Florence + the Machine concert, which was a hugely cathartic event that I absolutely needed. On the way home from the show it dawned on me that in some ways FOR ME, F+tM are more "grown-up" catharsis music that better fills the Emilie Autumn slot. EA is (apparently) the music of "welp, time to fall apart for a bit", whereas F+tM are "I feel a little fragile and stressed, but not quite Pete Wentz lyrics levels". 

Anyhoodle, I learned that the songs "Everybody Scream", "Sympathy Magic", and "Free" in concert make me cry. I expected that of the first two, but not of Free. Links to lyrics provided in case folks want to guess which parts hit me hard, because my psyche is not subtle.

One of the reasons that I absolutely needed the catharsis: Tuesday is therapy day, which I remembered two minutes before my appointment. My awesome therapist and I were talking about the deep rooted belief from my childhood in which I need to do everything perfectly for everyone, because that's how I'm worthy of affection and love. Y'know, a normal way of thinking. This somehow led to me telling her some of the family jokes from my childhood: I was picked up from the second-hand children's store but they lost the receipt and couldn't return me; how when I was around eleven Dad joked that one of his very rich Arab customers wanted to buy me as a bride but Dad was holding out for more camels; and the classic I didn't know my real middle name until I applied for my driver's permit because my parents committed to the bit of substituting "Veg-o-Matic" for my real middle name.

My therapist stared at me in a horrified manner, and then said, "Those aren't funny". Upon discussion and deep reflection, I agree, because the first two reinforced that programming of I need to be useful and helpful to be loved, and the third kinda-sorta did the same because 1) it was a "joke" at the expense of who I thought I was, and 2) saying my middle name was the name of an appliance? See the first two jokes. 

My therapist agreed that my parents weren't deliberately doing those things, that they did think they were jokes, and would be upset if they realized the cumulative effect they had on me. But damn, that was a difficult session. No wonder I cried at "I find no worthiness in virtue / I no longer try to be good / they didn't keep me safe / like you told me that it would".
 

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